Cream Cheese Buttercream Frosting

One time I went to this party, and I tried a recipe for plain white cake because I wanted to do something all fancy with food coloring (this was my first attempt at the Rainbow cake and my verdict on that is: you shouldn’t try to make white cake from scratch–even the best recipe just ends up kind of crunchy and weird because white cake is just boring).  I did my fancy thing with the cake then topped them with the Cream Cheese Butter Cream frosting and set them out among the other food, and they started to disappear.

Then they started to reappear with one bite taken out and all of the frosting licked off.  So the cake was a total fail, but the icing was kicking some ass.  Later in the evening I was standing near this girl who was talking about them, and clearly didn’t know I was the baker, and she totally ripped on how awful the cake was (bitch–I didn’t see you bringing any cupcakes) but then stopped and said, “But that icing was AWESOME.”  So, there you go.

Here’s what you need:

1/2 cup butter, softened to room temperature
8oz cream cheese, also softened to room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla
1lb of confectioner’s sugar (Shutup! That’s not a lot.)

Cream the butter and cream cheese together. If you don’t at least have a hand mixer, I feel sorry for you because your icing is going to suck. So, with your mixer, make sure it’s thoroughly combined and creamy. Go ahead and have a lick of it right now, it’s FUCKING AMAZING.  Butter and cream cheese?  Come on.

Add the vanilla, then a scoop of the powdered sugar. Mix to combine. When that’s mixed in, add more powdered sugar, mix again. Keep going like that until your powdered sugar is all mixed in and your frosting is a nice frostingy consistency. Have a lick of it now, too, it’s EVEN BETTER.

Now take it to a party and linger in door frames so you can overhear some nasty whore talking about how the cake was dry but the frosting made her wish she’d been nicer to you so you’d give her this recipe.  Or just sit around eating it out of the bowl and don’t share it with assholes like that in the first place.

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