Coconut Cupcakes

Okay, people are polarized on coconut. I didn’t realize that until I made some coconut cupcakes and everyone was kind of like “oh, that kind is coconut? Ok what’s the other kind?” But, people are also generally food whores at heart, no matter what, so they’ll try one of these “just to be niiice” and end up eating the whole thing and LIKING IT in spite of themselves, so suck on that.

Anyway, if they don’t like it, they can keep their damn mouths shut because who complains about a free cupcake? For real.

Here’s what you need:

2 cups of white sugar
1 cup butter
5 eggs
1 teaspoon coconut extract (DO NOT buy this at Whole Foods…they want fucking $15 dollars for it and it’s like $3.99 if you get the McCormick brand at a grocery store. Just keep looking. If you pay $15 for this shit I hope your cupcakes taste like buttholes.)
1 cup buttermilk
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup flaked coconut

Preheat the oven to 350°.  Line your cupcake trays.

Cream together the butter and sugar until they’re light and fluffy (and fucking delicious).  Add the eggs one at a time, beating them in really well after each addition.  Mix in the coconut extract.

This part sucks because it’s a little tedious: add a bit of the flour, mix.  Then add some buttermilk, mix.  Keep going like that until you’re out of flour and buttermilk and you’ve got a nice creamy texture.  Now put in the coconut and scoop up some batter over it, fold it in gently.  I mean, it’s still going to taste good if you get some air in there, but the whole point is to kind of keep it out so the cake is cakey.  Maybe after you fill the cupcake pan, drop it on the counter or something to knock some of those cupcake farts loose?  I don’t know.

Bake these for about 20-30 minutes.  Keep an eye on them because they bake at a rate according to how much air got in the batter, how much they settled in the pan, blah blah blah.  Do the pokey test in the top to be sure you haven’t taken them out too soon, and if you smell burning coconut you’ve screwed it up, jackass.