I don’t like it when inanimate objects tell me what to do.
I got a letter from Verizon Fucking Wireless yesterday that said “Open immediately.” I did not like its tone! So I opened it TEN MINUTES LATER, and it was just a notice confirming that I had removed a feature from my stupid account. Oh, like some stranger got my password and wants to save me money on my bill. You stupids.
I just grabbed a Stash tea bag at work, and it said on the wrapper “Steep for 1-3 minutes.” I will steep for however long I please, thank you very much, you uptight tea bag!
What’s next, is mayonnaise going to tell me how I can and can’t enjoy it?! Am I going to be told not to eat sour cream on my pizza?!? FUCK OFF!!!