Der Hasselhoffen, Maschine von Hits

More from Agent It Won’t Suck Itself

Apparently, a certain David Hasselhoff the Hit Machine (you may not know about him…he’s big in Germany) spent some time on New Year’s Eve in 1989 atop the half-demolished Berlin Wall.  It appears that he pranced about in a jacket that had to be plugged into a car battery in the crotch of his jeans, singing a song about freedom.

Hasselhoff considers this, the moment when he sang “Looking for Freedom,” to be “the first time Germany had been unified,” and complains that his role in the end of the Cold War has been overlooked by history.  Hasselhoff believes that there should be a photograph of him in his light bulb jacket hanging in the Berlin Museum at Checkpoint Charlie.  It’s only fair, right?

Too bad even the president of the Munich-based David Hasselhoff official fan club, Sascha Tauber, doesn’t see it that way: “No, I think this is just a joke.”

Apparently the person who threw that sammitch at 3:22 also thought it was a joke.


(It’s my theory that the food flying through the space near Hasselhoff’s head was actually traveling through time to become, in fact, the sloppy hamburger he would slobber all over on the floor in 2007, while his daughter filmed him to show him how drunk his drunk ass could get.  I am working on an illustration of the hamburger’s flight through time and space so that you can see what I mean.  Should be ready soon.  The point is, if it had hit him in the face, WHAT would he have eaten in the drunk video??  A salad?  I don’t think so!  The whole continuum would have been thrown off and the world would have completely been flipped on its head.  I, for one, am happy that little flying space burger made it.  I LIKE having two arms and two legs.)

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